How to Use Detachment as a Mental Health Tool & The Story of My Names
Life, in its infinite complexity, often demands us to change. Sometimes, it's a small shift, while at other times, it may feel as if the very foundation of our identity is being uprooted. My journey towards self-discovery and personal growth has been one such tumultuous, yet enriching, ride. It all started with a name – my name.
Being raised by my maternal grandparents, I always held a distant relationship with my biological father. His abandonment left an imprint of powerlessness in my young mind. Consequently, at the age of 14, I decided to take on my stepdad's last name, leaving behind my Italian maiden name. This decision, spurred by an ardent desire to assert control over my life, was a deliberate act of empowerment. But with this change, I also unknowingly opened the floodgates of other people's judgments and assumptions.
The ensuing social ridicule and mockery from my peers at school hit me hard. Unprepared for such a reaction, I was taken aback by the rumors that circulated about my name change. Yet, with all the surrounding chaos and growing turmoil within me, I also battled with repressed memories of molestation. Despite the controversies around repressed memories in psychology, I stand as a testament to their reality.
Through this period, my anxiety soared, and I bore a constant undercurrent of shame. I felt disconnected, lost, and unworthy, carrying an inexplicable tension within me. The change in my name also meant a change in how I perceived myself. I felt less special, more ordinary, less significant – a sentiment that was further reinforced by my own inner bully.
This was my dance with detachment – taking one step forward in asserting my independence, only to be pulled back by my self-criticism and judgment. Yet, it also laid the groundwork for my understanding of intuition and its importance in our lives. In retrospect, this dance felt like an endless loop of confusion, shame, and low self-worth. I was stuck.
My journey didn't end there. I went through more name changes, through my two marriages. I continued to bear different names, only to let them go later, each time causing a sense of loss and grief. This journey, with its unique share of ups and downs, has made me realize one profound truth – we are not our names. We are so much more.
I have learned that there is a sense of liberation in detachment. In processing grief, letting go, and embracing change when it serves us, we free ourselves from the shackles of our past. Although letting go may seem daunting, it's a vital part of our personal growth and healing. For me, this process has allowed me to embody who I am, not what I'm called, and view my life lessons as a gift. It's about taking the lessons life offers us, making meaning, and allowing them to shape us, grow us, and line us up for what's next.
To further delve into this concept, here are some journaling prompts:
Is there something in your life asking or even forcing you to let go?
What if you detached with self-respect and love as a practice?
Is it okay to let go or detach before reaching the point of struggle?
How many times have you had to let go in this life already?
What would happen if you worked on strengthening your 'letting go' muscle?
Looking back, the path of detachment hasn't been easy. Yet, it has made me more resilient, compassionate, and open to life's mysteries. It's taught me that I am more than any name I could ever be given or taken. I am more than any event that could ever happen to me.
And so, as we grow older, let us learn to embrace change, make peace with our past, and nurture our detachment muscle. For in letting go, we find ourselves. We find our freedom. After all, we are so much more than anything that could ever happen to us.
Episode Tags
- ADD 1
- Abuse 14
- Alcohol 3
- Anger 8
- Bullying 4
- Childhood 35
- Codependency 6
- Covid 4
- Crystal Catalina 7
- Depression 15
- Detachment 2
- Disassociation 4
- Emotions 71
- Existentialism 1
- Faith 1
- Family 24
- Fatigue 4
- Focus 3
- Gratitude 11
- Grief 8
- Guilt 2
- Healers 7
- Healing 52
- High Sensation 4
- Hope 1
- Hypervigilance 7
- Introverts 6
- Lonliness 7
- Love 3
- Manifesting 5
- Manipulation 16
- Men 1
- Mindfulness 37
- Money 10
- Music 3
- Nutrition 3
- Overthinking 8
- PTSD 11
- Parenting 12
- People Pleasing 6
- Perfectionism 6
- Pets 4
- Relationships 11
- Resiliency 12
- Sadness 1
- Self Esteem 15
- Self Love 11
- Self-Care 24
- Sex 1
- Shame 4
Episode Tags
- ADD 1
- Abuse 14
- Alcohol 3
- Anger 8
- Bullying 4
- Childhood 35
- Codependency 6
- Covid 4
- Crystal Catalina 7
- Depression 15
- Detachment 2
- Disassociation 4
- Emotions 71
- Existentialism 1
- Faith 1
- Family 24
- Fatigue 4
- Focus 3
- Gratitude 11
- Grief 8
- Guilt 2
- Healers 7
- Healing 52
- High Sensation 4
- Hope 1
- Hypervigilance 7
- Introverts 6
- Lonliness 7
- Love 3
- Manifesting 5
- Manipulation 16
- Men 1
- Mindfulness 37
- Money 10
- Music 3
- Nutrition 3
- Overthinking 8
- PTSD 11
- Parenting 12
- People Pleasing 6
- Perfectionism 6
- Pets 4
- Relationships 11
- Resiliency 12
- Sadness 1
- Self Esteem 15
- Self Love 11
- Self-Care 24
- Sex 1
- Shame 4
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