Why Highly Sensitive People Feel Different
Do you ever wonder why you feel everything so deeply while others seem to glide through life untouched by the emotional undercurrents around them?
As a therapist for 19 years, I've discovered something profound about highly sensitive people. We're not broken. We're not too much. We're fundamentally different in ways that most people don't understand.
The nuance of working with sensitivity runs so wide and deep that it often transcends language. When I point out these differences to HSPs in one-on-one sessions, most clients feel relieved and puzzled that they couldn't see these patterns clearly in themselves.
Why is it so hard to understand who we are?
We're living in a world that operates differently than how we're wired. We're unraveling decades of messages that told us to stop crying, that we're too sensitive, that we overshare because we don't have poker faces.
Highly Sensitive People Value Conscientiousness in Society
HSPs are the people who value conscientiousness in society. When I look around at the world today, I often think conscientiousness is dying. If you value conscientiousness, know that you're not alone.
This is part of how we're wired. Highly sensitive people see the world through a conscientiousness lens because we value it so much when people are conscientious with us. We give it away freely.
Don't feel crazy when you're out in the world and other people are mindless about things that seem like simple consideration to you. What feels like basic kindness or politeness to HSPs might not even register for others.
Your mental health depends on understanding this fundamental difference. You're not expecting too much. You're operating from your natural wiring for conscientiousness.
HSPs Feel Through Things Rather Than Think Through Decisions
Yes, we think through things, but mostly highly sensitive people feel through things. When there's a decision to be made, this can make things tricky.
If I'm going to make a plan three days from now, one of my first thoughts is: How do I know if I'm going to have energy for that? I don't know how I'm going to feel.
When we lead with feelings, we don't always know when to shift into leading with thinking. Some things in life are perfect for leading with feeling. If I'm out in public and see someone I want to connect with, that's definitely a heart-centered feeling motivation that I listen to and allow.
But if I'm thinking about whether I feel like doing laundry or some chore I can't stand, I'm never going to feel like doing it. If I stay feeling-driven, it'll never get done.
This is where therapy becomes valuable. Learning to recognize when to shift out of feeling-forwardness and let your mind make the decision is crucial for HSPs. I've learned to tell myself: "Go clean the dishes because it will feel so much better after you're done."
High Sensitivity Transforms from Burden to Beauty with Coping Strategies
Before coping strategies are learned and implemented, high sensitivity is a burden. After effective coping strategies, high sensitivity blooms like a flower into extraordinary beauty.
There's so much beauty available to us when we're highly sensitive. It's why a sunrise can make me cry with joy. It's why somebody else's child that I'm not related to can warm my heart like a mini miracle.
These moments that seem inconsequential can be filled with utter beauty. This isn't unique to me. This is available to every highly sensitive person I've ever met in therapy.
This motivates me to keep doing this work. It breaks my heart that some HSPs are out there and don't know this yet. Some might go their entire lives never knowing the beauty that's available to them.
Your mental health can flourish when you develop the right coping strategies. The sensitivity that once felt overwhelming becomes your greatest gift.
Everything Becomes a Teacher When HSPs Remain Open
When you're open, everything becomes a teacher. I didn't realize going through school to be a traditional therapist how much my clients would grow me through their feedback.
The feedback they gave me about what they didn't like, what they did like, what worked, and what didn't work became some of the greatest gifts of my life. This feedback grew me as a human being and as a practitioner.
The reason I started Emotional Badass was because so many different clients over the years said directly: "Nikki, you should have a show. You could help so many people."
When you're doing heart-centered human work, there's a flow back. There's a circle of give and take. This isn't wrong in the way that traditional therapy sometimes suggests.
For all the help I've given my clients over the years, they've offered something to me too. That's the reciprocity that makes us wired to be social.
This applies to all highly sensitive people, not just those in helping professions. When you remain open, every interaction becomes an opportunity for growth and mental health improvement.
HSPs Struggle with Self-Criticism Throughout Their Lives
Highly sensitive people are hard on ourselves. This is something that no matter how much we work on it, we need to hold onto working on all our lives.
Every single moment in life is its own little challenge, sometimes big, sometimes small. That critical voice hangs back when we've learned it as our original language.
When we see other sensitive people being harsh with themselves, it informs us how wrong it is to be harsh with ourselves in a similar way. This is how giving and receiving with each other as sensitive people helps us grow.
Your mental health requires ongoing attention to this self-critical pattern. Therapy can help you recognize when you're being harsh with yourself and develop gentler inner dialogue.
The goal isn't to eliminate self-awareness or accountability. The goal is to speak to yourself with the same compassion you'd show another highly sensitive person.
There are unique and beautiful emotionally intelligent quirks that we can learn from highly sensitive people. These are some of the things I've learned from having almost 20 years of working directly with HSPs.
You are an emotional badass. Your sensitivity is not a weakness to overcome but a strength to understand and nurture.
Episode Tags
- ADD 1
- Abuse 16
- Alcohol 3
- Anger 9
- Bullying 5
- Childhood 37
- Codependency 10
- Covid 4
- Crystal Catalina 4
- Depression 15
- Detachment 2
- Disassociation 4
- Emotions 74
- Existentialism 2
- Faith 1
- Family 26
- Fatigue 4
- Focus 3
- Gratitude 11
- Grief 12
- Guilt 2
- Healers 7
- Healing 52
- High Sensation 4
- Hope 1
- Hypervigilance 7
- Introverts 6
- Lonliness 7
- Love 3
- Manifesting 5
- Manipulation 19
- Men 1
- Mindfulness 38
- Money 10
- Music 3
- Nutrition 2
- Overthinking 8
- PTSD 11
- Parenting 12
- People Pleasing 8
- Perfectionism 6
- Pets 4
- Relationships 17
- Resiliency 12
- Sadness 1
- Self Esteem 16
- Self Love 11
- Self Respect 1
- Self-Care 26
- Sex 1
Episode Tags
- ADD 1
- Abuse 16
- Alcohol 3
- Anger 9
- Bullying 5
- Childhood 37
- Codependency 10
- Covid 4
- Crystal Catalina 4
- Depression 15
- Detachment 2
- Disassociation 4
- Emotions 74
- Existentialism 2
- Faith 1
- Family 26
- Fatigue 4
- Focus 3
- Gratitude 11
- Grief 12
- Guilt 2
- Healers 7
- Healing 52
- High Sensation 4
- Hope 1
- Hypervigilance 7
- Introverts 6
- Lonliness 7
- Love 3
- Manifesting 5
- Manipulation 19
- Men 1
- Mindfulness 38
- Money 10
- Music 3
- Nutrition 2
- Overthinking 8
- PTSD 11
- Parenting 12
- People Pleasing 8
- Perfectionism 6
- Pets 4
- Relationships 17
- Resiliency 12
- Sadness 1
- Self Esteem 16
- Self Love 11
- Self Respect 1
- Self-Care 26
- Sex 1
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