Stage Fright, Self Worth, and the Power of Showing Up
Have you ever wondered why getting on stage feels like facing a pack of predators?
Nikki and Chris explore this primal fear in their latest conversation about mental health challenges facing highly sensitive people. Chris shares his journey from performing magic tricks in kindergarten to building a decade-long career in entertainment, while Nikki examines how HSPs can develop boundaries with their own anxiety.
The discussion reveals why stage fright affects HSPs differently and offers practical strategies for building self-esteem through consistent practice.
The Science Behind HSP Stage Fright and Mental Health
HSPs experience stage fright more intensely because of their unique brain structure. Research suggests highly sensitive people have more mirror neurons - the brain cells that reflect back what we observe in others.
These extra mirror neurons create both gifts and challenges:
Enhanced empathy and emotional intelligence
Deeper connection to audiences and performers
Increased overwhelm from external stimulation
Greater sensitivity to criticism and rejection
Chris explains that his therapy work with Nikki helped him understand why some people freeze on stage while others thrive. The key difference lies in how each person's nervous system processes being watched.
Your brain interprets audience attention as a potential threat. This triggers the same fight-or-flight response your ancestors felt when predators stalked them in the wild.
Building Boundaries with Fear and Anxiety
Mental health improves when HSPs learn to set boundaries with their own emotional responses. Nikki describes her approach to managing performance anxiety through what she calls "emotional strength training."
This process requires treating anxiety like any other muscle that needs conditioning. You start small and gradually increase your tolerance for discomfort.
Chris demonstrates this principle through his entertainment career. He performed thousands of times, each experience teaching him that his fears rarely materialized into actual danger.
The boundaries technique works by:
Recognizing fear as a protective mechanism, not truth
Refusing to let anxiety control major life decisions
Practicing self-compassion during difficult moments
Building evidence that you can handle being seen
How HSPs Can Overcome Performance Anxiety Through Self-Esteem Work
Self-esteem plays a crucial role in conquering stage fright. Chris shares five specific strategies for HSPs preparing for their first performance:
Don't overthink your preparation. Practice enough to feel confident but avoid rigid planning that creates pressure for perfection.
Address your self-worth before stepping on stage. Your value as a person cannot depend on how well any single performance goes.
Focus on having fun rather than impressing others. This mindset shift reduces pressure and helps you connect authentically with your audience.
Remember that being booed is extremely rare. Chris performed professionally for years and never witnessed anyone actually getting booed off stage.
Build your confidence gradually through repeated exposure. Each positive experience creates evidence that contradicts your anxiety.
The entertainment industry tests your boundaries constantly. Chris learned that maintaining his values required saying no to opportunities that compromised his integrity.
Good for the Soul: Food Adventures That Nourish Mental Health
Chris discovered his passion for homemade sausage making after years of wondering how his favorite foods were created. He spent hours researching techniques through YouTube videos and borrowed a complete sausage handbook from the library.
The process required specific equipment and ingredients:
Pork shoulder from Costco for the ideal fat-to-meat ratio
Natural casings from the Whole Foods butcher
A dedicated sausage stuffer instead of basic kitchen tools
Traditional recipes for sweet Italian and chorizo varieties
Chris describes the twelve-hour process as initially overwhelming to watch but deeply satisfying to complete. The results impressed everyone who tried them - better than any store-bought sausage they had experienced.
This food adventure gave him the same empowering feeling as making fire from scratch. Learning traditional skills connects you to ancestral knowledge and builds confidence in unexpected ways.
Nikki found her food breakthrough at a French baker's Airstream trailer near her yoga studio. The baker sold authentic sourdough made with hand-milled flour from Boulder, not the enriched flour that typically causes her digestive problems.
Her experience eating true sourdough surprised her:
No bloating or inflammation like with regular bread
No water retention or uncomfortable fullness the next day
Rich, satisfying flavor that felt nourishing rather than heavy
The baker's kindness touched her when his payment system failed and he gave her the bread on trust. She also discovered duck eggs for just a dollar each—richer and creamier than regular eggs.
This experience sparked her interest in learning sourdough baking herself. Traditional fermentation processes make bread more digestible for sensitive systems, offering hope for people who struggle with modern wheat products.
Both adventures demonstrate how reconnecting with traditional food preparation supports mental health. Creating nourishing meals with your own hands provides deep satisfaction and builds self-reliance that extends beyond the kitchen.
Mental Health and the Reality of HSP Loneliness
The conversation shifts to address a common HSP struggle: feeling like you give more than you receive in relationships. This pattern creates deep loneliness even when surrounded by people.
Nikki and Chris discuss why this happens:
HSPs naturally offer emotional support and practical help to others. Friends and family members begin expecting this generosity without reciprocating. The highly sensitive person eventually feels drained and resentful.
Mental health healing requires accepting that not everyone can match your level of emotional availability. This doesn't make them bad people—it simply means they have different capacities.
Chris shares his experience as the friend group organizer. He always plans gatherings and celebrations, but rarely receives the same effort from others.
The solution involves two key boundaries strategies:
Radical acceptance of people's limitations. Stop expecting others to show up the way you do and appreciate what they can offer.
Intentional investment of your energy. Give more to people who demonstrate some ability to reciprocate, while maintaining appropriate distance from purely one-sided relationships.
Using Therapy Concepts to Navigate HSP Relationships
Therapy teaches HSPs that taking things personally keeps you stuck in cycles of hurt and disappointment. Your friends' inability to organize events or check on you reflects their personality, not their feelings about you.
Nikki explains how she learned to "soak up" beneficial energy from confident people like Chris. HSPs can intentionally absorb positive qualities from others, just as easily as they accidentally absorb negative emotions.
This technique helped her build the confidence needed to start podcasting. She would sit next to Chris before his performances and breathe in his calm energy, using it to regulate her own nervous system.
The practice requires:
Conscious awareness of whose energy you're absorbing
Intentional focus on positive, grounding influences
Boundaries around exposure to chaotic or anxious people
Regular check-ins with your own emotional state
Building Self-Worth Through Consistent Action Despite Anxiety
Mental health improves when you take action despite feeling scared. Chris emphasizes that courage isn't the absence of fear—it's moving forward while feeling afraid.
His entertainment career taught him that anxiety naturally decreases with repetition. The first few performances felt terrifying, but the fear diminished as he accumulated positive experiences.
This principle applies beyond performing:
Job interviews become easier with practice
Difficult conversations feel less overwhelming over time
Setting boundaries gets more comfortable as you repeat the behavior
Public speaking anxiety fades through consistent exposure
HSPs often avoid situations that trigger their sensitivity. This creates a cycle where avoidance increases anxiety rather than reducing it.
Practical Boundaries for HSPs in Demanding Environments
The entertainment industry exemplifies environments that challenge HSP boundaries. Chris describes dealing with narcissistic directors, exploitative contracts, and constant competition for opportunities.
These experiences taught him essential boundary skills that apply to any demanding workplace:
Know your non-negotiables before entering challenging situations. Decide in advance what behavior you won't tolerate and what values you won't compromise.
Develop strategies for managing difficult personalities. Learn to recognize manipulation and have responses ready.
Chris eventually left entertainment because maintaining his authenticity became too exhausting. This decision reflects healthy boundary-setting rather than failure.
Create exit strategies from toxic environments. Don't wait until you're completely burned out to make necessary changes.
The Connection Between Mental Health and Authentic Self-Expression
HSPs possess natural leadership qualities that often remain hidden due to social anxiety. Nikki points out that highly sensitive people observe situations deeply and often know how to improve them, but struggle with speaking up.
This creates internal conflict between who you are privately and who you allow yourself to be publicly. Mental health suffers when this gap becomes too wide.
Building self-esteem requires gradually closing this gap through small acts of authentic expression:
Sharing your ideas in low-stakes situations
Volunteering for leadership roles in areas you care about
Speaking up about your needs in relationships
Pursuing creative outlets that reflect your true interests
The goal isn't becoming an extroverted performer. It's developing comfort with being seen as your authentic self.
Chris found his path by transitioning from performing to producing content behind the camera. This allowed him to use his creative skills while honoring his need for less direct attention.
Creating Support Systems That Honor HSP Needs
Mental health thrives when you build relationships with people who understand your sensitivity. This doesn't mean everyone in your life needs to be an HSP, but you need some people who get it.
Nikki and Chris demonstrate how partnerships can provide mutual support for growth. Chris's calm confidence helped Nikki develop her podcasting abilities, while Nikki's therapeutic insights helped Chris understand his own emotional patterns.
Look for relationships that offer:
Emotional reciprocity without keeping score
Respect for your need for processing time
Understanding that your sensitivity is a strength, not a weakness
Support for your growth without pressure to change who you are
Building these connections requires being selective about where you invest your energy. Not every person deserves access to your emotional generosity.
The journey toward self-worth and authentic expression takes time. Each small step toward showing up as yourself builds confidence for the next challenge.
Your sensitivity isn't something to overcome—it's a gift to develop and share with the world in ways that honor your boundaries and support your mental health.
Episode Tags
- ADD 1
- Abuse 16
- Alcohol 3
- Anger 9
- Bullying 5
- Childhood 37
- Codependency 10
- Covid 4
- Crystal Catalina 4
- Depression 15
- Detachment 2
- Disassociation 4
- Emotions 74
- Existentialism 2
- Faith 1
- Family 26
- Fatigue 4
- Focus 3
- Gratitude 11
- Grief 12
- Guilt 2
- Healers 7
- Healing 52
- High Sensation 4
- Hope 1
- Hypervigilance 7
- Introverts 6
- Lonliness 7
- Love 3
- Manifesting 5
- Manipulation 19
- Men 1
- Mindfulness 38
- Money 10
- Music 3
- Nutrition 2
- Overthinking 8
- PTSD 11
- Parenting 12
- People Pleasing 8
- Perfectionism 6
- Pets 4
- Relationships 19
- Resiliency 12
- Sadness 1
- Self Esteem 17
- Self Love 11
- Self Respect 1
- Self-Care 26
- Sex 1
Episode Tags
- ADD 1
- Abuse 16
- Alcohol 3
- Anger 9
- Bullying 5
- Childhood 37
- Codependency 10
- Covid 4
- Crystal Catalina 4
- Depression 15
- Detachment 2
- Disassociation 4
- Emotions 74
- Existentialism 2
- Faith 1
- Family 26
- Fatigue 4
- Focus 3
- Gratitude 11
- Grief 12
- Guilt 2
- Healers 7
- Healing 52
- High Sensation 4
- Hope 1
- Hypervigilance 7
- Introverts 6
- Lonliness 7
- Love 3
- Manifesting 5
- Manipulation 19
- Men 1
- Mindfulness 38
- Money 10
- Music 3
- Nutrition 2
- Overthinking 8
- PTSD 11
- Parenting 12
- People Pleasing 8
- Perfectionism 6
- Pets 4
- Relationships 19
- Resiliency 12
- Sadness 1
- Self Esteem 17
- Self Love 11
- Self Respect 1
- Self-Care 26
- Sex 1
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