Sean Combs AKA Diddy on Trial - How to Recognize Bedroom Fun vs Abuse - Part 2
The Heartbreaking Reality Behind Closed Doors
Of all the footage that has emerged from the ongoing legal proceedings, one image haunts me more than any other. It wasn't the hallway incident we've all seen. It was something quieter, more devastating: a grown woman curled into a small ball on the floor, sheets pulled over her head like a child hiding from monsters under the bed.
That image broke my heart—for her, for me, for every woman and man who has endured this twisted wielding of power that dominates good-hearted human beings. If you're listening and you're being toyed with, tossed around by moods and temperaments instead of being properly loved, cherished, protected, and respected, the question is: What are you going to do about it?
The Dangerous Territory of "Stretching" for Love
In our current cultural moment, with feminism and sexual revolutions mainstreaming various relationship dynamics—from voyeurism to polyamory—many people pleasers find themselves in dangerous territory. They tell themselves they're supporting their loved one's desires, willing to stretch outside their comfort zone because "that's what you do when you love someone."
Maybe you're being pushed into sexual acts that make you uncomfortable. Maybe it's voyeuristic situations when you believe intimacy should be private. Perhaps you're being coerced into non-monogamy, BDSM, or other arrangements that fundamentally contradict your values.
Here's what you need to know: Healthy, kinky people don't passive-aggressively shame vanilla desires. If someone can't respect boundaries around any sexual practice, they're not acting with maturity or good mental health—they may be abusing you.
You Are Your Own Authority
You must access your own authority to stand in your adulthood, to dig deep and be honest about what you're willing and not willing to do. This is about healthy boundaries: "I am willing to do this, and I am not willing to do this."
There's a difference between healthy stretching and dysfunctional boundary-breaking. You're not crazy if you're questioning this in your relationship. Stop wasting your precious life wondering if you're losing your mind.
Trust what you—and trusted others—see, feel, hear, and experience. Your gut knows, even when your mind keeps talking you in circles.
The Game with Ever-Changing Rules
Diddy-type abuse feels like being forced to play a game without knowing the rules. And just when you think you've figured them out, they change again. What's consistent across this type of abuse is the confusion, the constant shifting ground beneath your feet.
These abusers maintain social networks where everyone plays along with the "it's not that bad" narrative. People minimize, turn blind eyes, make excuses: "He means well," "He's just a little rough," "At least he doesn't drink and get violent."
I was told by my abuser's network: "You don't want to leave a man who makes good money." Even my own mother said this to me.
The Illusion of Friendship
Here's the truth about manipulators: They don't have friends. They have people they can use now or later. If they can't use you, they'll discard you like a tissue.
They're charming, fun—they throw amazing parties. They're the bullies we've somehow learned to flock to like gods or royalty, despite their obvious failings. Many people choose to live under a bully's wing rather than confront them, convincing themselves their preferred abuser won't really hurt them—until they do.
The Slippery Slope is Real
No domestic abuser shows their true cards on the first date. If they did, none of us would fall for it. The slippery slope gets very bad before it gets addressed.
If you're in one of these relationships, you feel it—even if you're in willful denial. Are you willing to leave that denial behind and get very, very real?
Maybe you want to give your abuser another year, another decade of your one precious life. You're allowed to make that choice. I understand wanting to stay and fix it—I'm a hard worker, dedicated, loyal. I don't give up easily. These are the very qualities master manipulators exploit to keep you trapped.
The Truth About Leaving
People talk about leaving like you're just walking away from bad stuff. The reality is that leaving such a relationship is like flipping the table of your entire life upside down in one move.
Therapists, we don't do anyone favors by pretending this isn't true. When I left, I lost friends, family members, all my in-laws from both divorces. I was forced to go into hiding, faced homelessness. The court gave my ex-husband a default divorce—I walked away with nothing, terrified, leaving in the middle of the night in a vehicle that wasn't even in my name.
It was one of the hardest decisions I ever made, and it sucked and sucked and sucked—until it didn't.
Learning to Breathe Again
I didn't start really breathing until I left him. Looking back, I don't think I took a full, deep breath from the time I lost my grandparents as a teenager until after I escaped that relationship.
Are you breathing in your life? I don't mean just the automatic function—I mean really breathing. Can your muscles and bones relax? Can your mind exhale? Are you allowed to be silly and goofy instead of walking on eggshells? Can you truly rest when your head hits the pillow?
From Victim to Survivor
It's normal to feel exhausted when you've been victimized—you've been drained by an emotional vampire. We must acknowledge: "I have been victimized," but we must not buy real estate in victimhood, where the views are awful and the property value plummets.
Don't be a victim. Acknowledge you've been victimized, but don't remain there. Rise up. Rise.
I don't care how you feel—make your muscles move. You can rise. No one can make you rise except you.
I've experienced depression so severe it included psychomotor retardation—it was physically difficult to make my brain tell my limbs to move. That's how shut down my system had become. You have to will your very cells to get the message and move for you.
There is Help, There is Hope
The good news is there is help. If you're reading these words right now, hold onto them. I felt utterly lost too.
I'm about to turn 45, and I am happy. I like life. I feel loved, heard, important, held, valued, and respected in ways my younger self couldn't have imagined. This is possible because I made those first steps to deal with the truth of things, despite how hard it was to face.
That was me showing up with love for myself. Damn it, I deserve that from me—and you deserve that from you.
You Must Save Yourself
If you're working with a therapist who's too soft, ask them to get tougher with you. Say, "I need a soft place to fall, but I also need you to remind me that I have to save myself."
You can save yourself. You really, really can.
A Moment of Connection
Take a moment now. Hand on your heart, hand on your belly. If you've been through a hard relationship, or if you want to send healing energy to those of us who have, close your eyes.
Take a deep breath into your heart space. We are not alone. People have survived such things since the beginning of time.
I am the person who saves me. I can channel the power and strength from every ancestor who ever was, everyone on the planet with me now, and everyone who will ever face such monsters.
I am strong despite how I feel. I am capable. I am enough for me. It is time that I act in love.
You have no idea what's coming for you in this life if you're with a manipulator—and I'm offering that to you in the light. The next season may be hard and full of unknowns, but this is what will lead you to your after.
I'm so glad I can sit here today and talk to you about who I am after. You must save yourself—and you absolutely can.
You're worth it. You are an emotional badass.
Episode Tags
- ADD 1
- Abuse 16
- Alcohol 3
- Anger 9
- Bullying 5
- Childhood 37
- Codependency 10
- Covid 4
- Crystal Catalina 4
- Depression 15
- Detachment 2
- Disassociation 4
- Emotions 74
- Existentialism 2
- Faith 1
- Family 26
- Fatigue 4
- Focus 3
- Gratitude 11
- Grief 12
- Guilt 2
- Healers 7
- Healing 52
- High Sensation 4
- Hope 1
- Hypervigilance 7
- Introverts 6
- Lonliness 7
- Love 3
- Manifesting 5
- Manipulation 19
- Men 1
- Mindfulness 38
- Money 10
- Music 3
- Nutrition 2
- Overthinking 8
- PTSD 11
- Parenting 12
- People Pleasing 8
- Perfectionism 6
- Pets 4
- Relationships 19
- Resiliency 12
- Sadness 1
- Self Esteem 17
- Self Love 11
- Self Respect 1
- Self-Care 26
- Sex 1
Episode Tags
- ADD 1
- Abuse 16
- Alcohol 3
- Anger 9
- Bullying 5
- Childhood 37
- Codependency 10
- Covid 4
- Crystal Catalina 4
- Depression 15
- Detachment 2
- Disassociation 4
- Emotions 74
- Existentialism 2
- Faith 1
- Family 26
- Fatigue 4
- Focus 3
- Gratitude 11
- Grief 12
- Guilt 2
- Healers 7
- Healing 52
- High Sensation 4
- Hope 1
- Hypervigilance 7
- Introverts 6
- Lonliness 7
- Love 3
- Manifesting 5
- Manipulation 19
- Men 1
- Mindfulness 38
- Money 10
- Music 3
- Nutrition 2
- Overthinking 8
- PTSD 11
- Parenting 12
- People Pleasing 8
- Perfectionism 6
- Pets 4
- Relationships 19
- Resiliency 12
- Sadness 1
- Self Esteem 17
- Self Love 11
- Self Respect 1
- Self-Care 26
- Sex 1
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