Unexpected Expertise, Rebirth, and a Refreshing View of Divorce
I never intended to become an expert in divorce, but after 2 and a career in mental health, I am an accidental expert. While many people have negative thoughts of divorce, I want to share a refreshing view of divorce and rebirth for highly sensitive people based on my own personal and professional experiences. I do not believe divorce is the terrible thing we’ve been taught by society. What causes the most pain and fear isn’t divorce; it’s abuse, violence, manipulation, anger, stress, fighting, infidelity, instability, resentment, darkness, and incompatibility. What damages people is pretending that everything is fine on the outside, but feeling broken and hurt inside the home and inside of the self.
Even though both of my divorces terrified me at the time, there were also moments of relief. For I knew deep down, I had not wisely chosen partners that fit me very well, and I could not have. A traumatic childhood blocked me from knowing my true self, taught me to deny my true self. I chose partners from a wounded place instead of a healed psychology and attraction. Divorce meant I was facing these difficult realities.
As I faced the journey of divorce, along with the sadness, shame, and stress, I experienced a rebirth. Throughout our lives, we receive opportunities to be reborn over and over again—not because we want to, but because life often forces us to seek out truth, healthiness, and wholeness. We learn to let go of our old identities, which were once tied to being married, while we move through our fears of the unknown, embrace change, and rediscover who we have become. The journey of rebirth is just like the one a sweet mama takes when she gives birth to a baby. She may be scared and exhausted, but the moment she holds her baby, all the pain and struggle becomes worth it. For me, it was natural to leave my marriages so that I would be able to grow into myself.
The journey through divorce may be difficult for our families and friends to understand. Their confusing, and often negative, responses can be upsetting. Any change—particularly a big one like a divorce—is like we’re holding up a giant mirror, causing others to look at themselves and project whatever emotions and experiences they have about the topic onto us. So, if I tell someone who went through a divorce and experienced fabulous freedom, he or she might give me a high five. But, if I speak with someone who is still traumatized by their parents’ awful divorce, I’m going to receive a very different energy from the unresolved wounds of their experience. Let’s say I tell a friend, “Hey, I’m making a big, giant life change. Something’s not working for me in my life and I’m making drastic changes because I need something different.” What happens psychologically is that the friend has to look at himself or herself in the mirror and reflect, “Uh oh, is there something in my life that I have to change? If my friend goes through a divorce and changes, how will that change affect me and my life?” This is why changing ourselves can scare/anger other people.
In doing the work of knowing the difference between intuition and anxiety, we learn to sense and interpret our intuition. Within any relationship, romantic, business, or in friendship, we can feel/know if we’re meant to stay or go. We can learn to feel and interpret our intuition with increasing clarity through practice: “Should I stay or should I go? Am I supposed to work on this, move through, and learn in leaving, or in staying?” Whatever you’re facing—whether it’s divorcing a person, job, or even a self-abusive voice in your head—I hope you have more permission to balance the forces of staying and leaving, to lean-in exactly where you are called. Life is going to ask us to end things, and life is going to ask us to stay with things. Not one is more valuable than the other.
Today, I’m a healthier and stronger person for going through divorce. Life can throw change my way and I trust myself to handle whatever comes. This is the gift of the pain of my divorces and the rebirthing they sparked. If you are going through a divorce or have been divorced, keep moving towards healthy. Don’t let the pain of rebirth shut you down! I wish you all the luck in the world for whatever you are trying to rebirth in your life right now. I know you can do it. We can deeply understand that every mother, in that moment of birthing, feels a deep fear of :I don’t know if I can do this,” until she knows she can, because she DID. Look at what you’ve already done. Look at how far you’ve already come! There will be a moment in the future when you can turn, look back, and know, with every fiber of your being, “Wow. I did it. I made it.” Trust THAT over fear, shame, and grief.
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Episode Tags
- ADD 1
- Abuse 14
- Alcohol 3
- Anger 8
- Bullying 4
- Childhood 35
- Codependency 6
- Covid 4
- Crystal Catalina 7
- Depression 15
- Detachment 2
- Disassociation 4
- Emotions 70
- Existentialism 1
- Faith 1
- Family 24
- Fatigue 4
- Focus 3
- Gratitude 11
- Grief 8
- Guilt 2
- Healers 7
- Healing 52
- High Sensation 4
- Hope 1
- Hypervigilance 7
- Introverts 6
- Lonliness 7
- Love 3
- Manifesting 5
- Manipulation 16
- Men 1
- Mindfulness 37
- Money 10
- Music 3
- Nutrition 3
- Overthinking 8
- PTSD 11
- Parenting 12
- People Pleasing 6
- Perfectionism 6
- Pets 4
- Relationships 11
- Resiliency 12
- Sadness 1
- Self Esteem 15
- Self Love 11
- Self-Care 24
- Sex 1
- Shame 4
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